10 Ways to Build Your Confidence Back After Childbirth
10 ways to build your confidence back after childbirth is an article carefully written for all new mothers who are struggling with their bodies after delivery or C-section. This is curated partly from my experience as a nursing mother and I do hope it helps all those that the article resonates with.
Your feelings are Valid
The first time I felt my baby, I was delirious from the anaesthesia, which was administered as a result of the emergency C-section that I had to undergo. I was half-conscious and so elated that I began to wave at the doctors and nurses while they tended to me. I was all smiles when they placed her on my chest for our first contact. I remember looking at the beautiful but tiny baby on my chest and mentally patting myself on the back to say, “Weldone”. At that moment, I was the mother of a very adorable baby girl.
Her birth was the end of a journey that began nine months earlier and the beginning of another beautiful journey . It was the inception of a stage that I still feel ill-prepared for, no matter how many times I affirm that I am ready. Raising a child is not easy, and no one is ever fully ready to begin.
Most people do not quite understand how complex it is to grow a child in one’s womb and carry that child for several weeks before birth. They often overlook the tremendous toll it takes on the mother while the baby is being nursed. At the earliest stage of conception, the fetus, in terms of nutrition, can be likened to a parasite as it depends wholly on the mother for sustenance without giving anything in return. This is further emphasized by the reactions of the woman’s body to a fetus. The reactions come as a sign of pregnancy, termed morning sickness by many. Naturally, the body begins to prepare for the accommodation of the baby’s growth and provision for when the baby is born.
The breasts grow larger, and various hormone levels such as HCG(human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), estrogen, progesterone, human placental lactogen (hPL), and oxytocin) change, resulting in larger feet, enlargement of the abdomen, cravings, etc. These changes occur gradually, spanning 37 to 42 weeks before the baby is born. While there is massive support during pregnancy on very high levels due to societal orientation, this tends to decline after childbirth.
So when you feel a bit distressed, your moods begin to swing towards depression; remember that it is normal. Everything you think before and after birth is valid because there are a lot of factors behind it. Do not feel guilty for being tired, depressed, sad or not being confident in your skin because you have undergone a series of processes that resulted in the way you are. Your feelings do not make you a bad mother; it makes you human.
10 ways to build your confidence back after childbirth.
After these changes occur in a woman’s body and the baby is finally born, the joy associated with birth often becomes so many layers of permanent changes that occur in the woman. Changes that began for the sole reason of growing and harbouring the baby till birth. Reality often begins to set in a few weeks after birth. I remember staring at my huge bump and caressing my belly during my third trimester. I stood before the mirror and marvelled at how big I had gotten. How big my breasts were, which could no longer fit in my palms. I started wearing winter boots in autumn because they were my comfy shoes, and my husband’s wardrobe was my store for clothes. The toilet became my most visited room in the house, and I dealt with insomnia. I thought there would be normalcy when I had my daughter, but it didn’t come as expected. I began to doubt myself and my body, but this was what I learned during this defining moment.
1. Accept that changes occured in your body over a period and return to normalcy will span over a period of time
Yes! This subheading seems like a lot of words, but honestly, they are the simple facts that we mothers forget a lot. The birth of a child doesn’t begin at the time you go into labour. It starts from the inception of the pregnancy. Now, the baby’s growth takes several weeks, and in those weeks, your body enacts changes to your body to help you grow and nurture your baby before birth. This means you need to allow yourself a long time to return to who you were. It will not happen in a week or two; the weight loss, the large feet, the hormonal changes, the hair loss, all of these will take time and you will adjust at the right time with the right care. So, give yourself a break! Tell yourself that your recovery is a personal journey and that you will get there at your own pace. Accept that you do not wear a size eight anymore, that you wear more extensive trousers to hide your mummy pouch, accept that you are losing hair and that you have man feet and stretch marks, etc. Acceptance will help you feel confident and not wallow in self-pity.
2. Do not compare your body to that of others who are bouncing back faster than you can.
One thing that often makes us spiral is comparison and subtle competition. We often tend to forget that a woman’s stature is affected by many reasons, including genetics at the forefront and cultural practices and nutrition. It is good that one mama out there looks like Gigi Hadid four weeks after childbirth, but you are not that mama! And that is not an awful thing. So, if you still have a mama’s pouch 6 months after birthing your baby, do not feel bad. It does not mean that you are not an absolute beauty. Due to my caesarian section, I had to stay off certain exercises and cultural practices (Being a Nigerian of Igbo descent who believes so much in omugwo) because, at times, they would have done more harm than good. So you see, there are certain factors that can impede that quick recovery journey, so give yourself a break and focus on the positives of being a mother.
3. Start introducing exercise
In terms of exercise, always ensure you have been certified by your midwife or doctor to start working out. Give your body time to heal! Start with minor exercises, like taking a walk, climbing the stairs, etc., before you proceed to more intense ones. For CS mums, it takes longer to begin exercising as the incision is required to heal. Do not force yourself to do things that you would in the past so that you do not impede your healing.
4. Reward yourself grandly for each milestone achieved
Being a mum often means that one’s needs are pushed back in the chaos, and we usually fail to remind ourselves how amazing we are. When you lose a kilogram, praise yourself like you have lost fifty and motivate yourself with that. When you finally complete 4000 steps in a day, treat it like you have done 20000 because you deserve to be appreciated for each effort.
5. Speak positively to yourself and surround yourself with those that do so.
Never speak negatively about your body no matter what changes you see. Yes, your breasts are sagging slightly but it is because of such a wonderful thing as breastfeeding. The new shape of your breasts is a new reality you must learn to accept and love. Never tire of telling yourself how beautiful and hot you are. I do not mean just mere declarations, no! You must learn to believe in those positive affirmations because they are true.
Also avoid people who make snag comments about your body, no matter who. They are very bad for your healing process and journey to restoring confidence. Find a mum’s group and join, seek support from loved ones and always dress beautifully.
6. Share your doubts with your partner or family
I have read so many times that some men make insensitive comments about the bodies of their partners or even term that as an excuse to cheat. The gruesome cases of some women having to be intimate with their husbands without healing correctly and resulting in more complex problems. When such is the case with you, seek professional help and advice. Do not sacrifice your life to please a partner who is not considerate of another human.
I also understand that for some men, it is often a result of sheer ignorance and lack of compassion. They do not know what the healing process entails and usually make comments or jokes regarding one’s body. In such cases, teach your partner about the detriments of such comments to your well-being and let them know how to help you with your journey. An understanding partner is vital to a fast healing process if you have one.
7. Reawaken your desire for your hobbies and skills.
Nursing a child is no easy feat and will take most of your time, but remember that you also have needs. Seek out those hobbies that you used to enjoy in the past and reconnect with them. It could be bowling, painting, knitting, drawing, baking, etc. Whatever it is that makes you feel good is vital for building back your confidence.
8.Take yourself shopping
Instead of forcing yourself into your old clothes, which can often make you spiral, find time to go shopping if you can afford it. Buy new clothes and shoes that fit your current size, and learn to feel beautiful in your new size. Also, endeavour to dress up occasionally, do your makeup, and take yourself out.
9.Explore new interests
Take up new interests should you find that resonates with you.
10. Return to work Gradually
Do not rush back to work, especially if you do not feel psychologically ready to begin. Instead, consider learning new skills and working from home. Start a trade that allows you to work part-time.
Please remember that this article (10 Ways to Build Your Confidence Back after Childbirth) was curated to help new mothers feel confident in themselves. However, if any of these do not help and you feel yourself stuck in a low mood all the time, please seek professional help.
I am rooting for all new mothers out there!