5 ways to be a good immigrant

Let me tell you a story about a girl named Adaku and while we are at it, we will figure out the easiest 5 ways to be a good immigrant.

1.Always carry out a research about the place you are migrating to, never make assumptions!

Adaku wake up!” A deep baritone called out to Adaku as she slept on her parents’ master bed. They had insisted on her sleeping in their bedroom for safety and she begrudgingly agreed. Her parents’ bed was an orthopedic bed, twice the size of hers in the master bedroom of their house.

Their wardrobe was adjacent to the bathroom wall, and her mother’s lace and hollandaise gowns took up two-thirds of the space. Adaku felt alien as she wandered into the bedroom that night. Her eyes peeked at the curtains, which had been drawn so much to the edge that she doubted any of the sun to filter through.

Her father had cleared the bed stool on his side of the bed where he always kept his wristwatches just for Adaku. They really wanted her to feel very comfortable. She was taken aback when they suggested that she sleep in their bedroom, as the only tasks she was accustomed to doing there were cleaning the room and receiving punishments for being naughty when she was a child.

Her travelling bags had been sorted, and her travelling items arranged carefully in their living room, waiting for the next morning. Her mother had shopped as though she was moving to a country experiencing the worst of famines.

“Ada, I heard those people eat only grass and water, just imagine. With this foodstuff, you can survive for a few months before you figure out your next move” Adaku only thought about the extra fees she would pay for her luggage while her mother raved about starvation and strange food. She had never thought of what to eat when she finally left, but being picky began to make her feel her mother’s fears were not irrational. What if she couldn’t stomach the meals she had seen online?

Her mother, Nnedimma, was a typical ambitious Nigerian mother who always motivated her with brutally honest words and endless comparisons with the offspring of her friends. But despite her mother’s excesses, Adaku knew

she was loved, and food was her major love language. Her misconception about the country Adaku was travelling to drove her into a shopping frenzy. One tiny consolation Adaku had was that other children would be harped to death with exaggerations about her many exploits. She could already imagine her mother telling the mothers of her peers that even the royal family revered her daughter.

Adaku’s parents informed her extended family members of her fully funded scholarship to study in the United Kingdom, and everyone agreed to send her off together despite her wishes not to.

She found herself in a house full of many relatives who had one too many words of advice to give, which left her exhausted. Her anxiety was through the roof, and she feared this new reality she was about to face without her large family around her. She never shared these fears because she knew that her send-off would have been turned into a prayer session to deter her enemies from ruining her opportunity.

The exhaustion that drove her to sleep was still occupied with her frame as she struggled to pull her eyelids apart when the voice sounded again.

“Do you want to miss your flight? ” the voice yelled, and she jumped out of bed as her brain relayed the urgency of the message.

She glanced at her father, who was pleased she was up, and then at the large wall clock behind her father. Adaku fought to fall back into bed as her father held her arm. “Nne, you must get ready now; we must get to the airport on time.”

Adaku was visibly stunned as she glanced at the wall clock again.”Daddy, it is 3:30 a.m.; the flight is by 2 p.m.”

“Exactly! That is why we must make haste,” he exclaimed as he unplugged Ada’s phone from the socket and folded her charger. You must get ready, bathe, and eat something so that the family can pray for you.”

2. Migrating is like starting over, always make out time to learn about the language, weather, culture and history of the host country.

Adaku grudgingly followed her father with her sleep-deprived eyes as he kept announcing to her the relatives who were present and how eager they were to pray for her. She wondered if her parents and the intending prayer warriors had gotten any sleep at all. They had all been calling her a Londoner, even though she had explicitly explained so many times that she would live in Liverpool. Adaku had long given up on educating her folks about cities in the United Kingdom.

Adaku had a quick shower and got dressed in her tracksuit, which her mother had purchased on her friend’s advice. She also bought Adaku a long winter jacket, which she insisted Adaku must wear to take pictures at the airport despite the boiling heat Abuja was known for. Unbeknownst to the pair, it was summertime, and the heat wave had folks in fewer to no layers.

Each relative, young and old, took turns praying for Adaku. They would place their hands on her forehead and pray. Laced in the prayers were also the wishes and requests of each person. Her little niece, Nkiru, had asked God to give her a husband so that she would have a cousin to play with.

Her Nephew had told God to open her ears so that she would understand the strange language people spoke in London. Adaku had muttered under her breath the word Liverpool and held back her laughter as she wondered why her Nephew thought the people in the city did not speak English. As far as Adaku knew, English was the lingua Franca of England. Her uncle had prayed that she wouldn’t become Westernized like his friend’s daughter, and she wondered what he meant by that. She was quite eager to learn about the people in her new home and if there were castles as beautiful as the ones she had seen in movies.

3.Do not be hesitant to integrate; Never have a prejudiced view about people.

“Father lord, protect Adaku from the eyes of those racist people who may want to hang her like they did Papa Chukwudi many years ago

“Uncle Bernard began when it was his turn. Adaku flinched at his words but heard the most resounding Amen from her mother. “And father give her a Nigerian husband who will make them visit home and not forget her roots”.

Adaku never cared about race when it came to relationships. She believed in following her heart as a true romantic and did not mind a partner from another race. However, she could not let these thoughts out just yet, as they would definitely turn the send-off into a chaotic one.

Her friend Nneka, who had been living in Manchester for two years, had told her over the phone that racism was outdated and out of fashion. Nneka had assured her that she had not experienced any racism while living in her city. She did make her understand that such experiences did exist, but they were instead individualist rather than collective.

Nneka had encouraged Adaku to join the Nigerian community on Twitter, where people shared their experiences, but also to mingle with the people in her community to build her network. Adaku was sure that the idea was to be as open-minded as possible and to do away with her ego or perceived notions that she had acquired before. The prayers continued as they got to the aunties in the house.

4.Add value to the host community

“Dear father, please give Adaku a good job to pay her well. Let them not collect everything in tax as they did to Johnbosco so that when she returns, she will buy me the phone that has eyes, eye-phone” Laughter erupted from the room, and Adaku couldn’t help but join in as their Aunt Mmachi, who was the eldest in the family made her prayers.

Everyone knew that their cousin John Bosco was very stingy and must have told their aunt a lie about taxes just to evade her demands. Her parents paid taxes in their respective trading businesses. Even though there were to be distinguishing factors in percentages, it was a civic duty for anyone duly employed.

“It’s iPhone; Aunty Mmachi is an Olodo (a dunce)!” Her niece Nkiru screamed amidst chuckles and was startled by the stern “Shut up!” yelled in unison, which left the little girl startled and quiet. The prayers resumed after decorum was maintained.

“Whether eye, nose, anyone at all, God, please give Adaku money to buy”, Aunt Mmachi continued as the Amen resounded. Adaku had planned to get a job in the healthcare sector as she loved taking care of people. She also believed that paying taxes was one of the signs that she had come of age. A phrase that was almost taboo in her home. Her parents still viewed her as a child even though she was fairly above 18. She was a Methodist but was very eager to see the Liverpool Cathedral as she was fascinated by the architecture. Adaku wanted to visit Anfield to watch a Liverpool match on one of her free and possibly join the Red Cross Society.

5. Be respectful and abide by the laws

Adaku’s Aunts prayed for a good husband more times than she could count, but she knew they all wanted her parents to have grandchildren early because she was an only child.

“Father, please protect my only child and keep her heart pure. Give her a place where she will call a second home and bring good people her way,” Adaku’s mother had prayed. Adaku felt a drop of tear fall on her hand. She knew her parents would miss her dearly, as she would them, but it was for the better.

“May God direct your steps. May you not be a perpetrator or victim of any crime. May you study and graduate with honours? May you make us proud like you always have.” Her father ended the prayers on that note, and the family shared a quick breakfast with their chattering resounding in the house.

Adaku had very little to say, but she soaked every moment like it would be the last. She knew she was going to miss her family dearly. She would be thousands of miles away from her parents and friends. Almost everyone she knew for three years, and she had never done that before.

Her parents drove to the airport, with her other relatives following behind on a bus. They arrived at the airport by 8 a.m. and had to wait until 1:00 p.m. before Ada started checking in. She had peeled so many layers off while they waited and put them back on to take pictures with her family. She made them promise they would always call her on video calls to catch up.

By the time Ada left, they were all teary, and she shed one too many tears as well. She was anxious about the future but hopeful that her move would bring good fortune.

Settling in takes time, do not rush things: This may not be amongst the 5 ways to be a good immigrant, but it is a vital thing to know about migration.

Adaku couldn’t help but chuckle at the last words her niece whispered into her eyes when the plane took off: “Make sure you marry a footballer. Mummy said they are rich. They can buy eyephones for everyone.”

Years after, Adaku returned to Abuja with her fiance, Peter Smith, who was a white man as her uncles had advised against.

Peter had helped her overcome depression when she felt so alone. Like her, he was a student at the University of Liverpool, studying to be an artist in the School of Arts and Design. They were like peas in a pod and could scale through challenges pledged by cultural differences.

Adaku knew her extended family would be visibly shaken by her decision. Not only was Peter of another race, but he was also studying to be jobless. As they said, the only acceptable professions in the arts were Law, accountancy, and being a professor.

When she described how boisterous they were, Peter seemed even more thrilled to visit her family. She termed him adventurous as he named places in Nigeria he planned on visiting. Getting Engaged was the perfect opportunity to bring her suitor home.

Everyone had gathered and harped on them with questions. Peter had garnered enough baked beans, as Adaku had revealed her family’s fascination with them. He called it Britain’s finest export.

Aunty Mmachi received an iPhone, which softened her heart( good old bribery). When they were done hounding Peter with questions, Adaku feared he would want to hop on the next flight back home.

Her niece called his Scouse accent fake English, and her cousins took turns feeling his hair when he obliged them. Her mother called him a snowflake, and her father worried about how they would cope with his profession.

Adaku was stunned when she heard Peter try Aunty Mmachi’s snuff.

“I might have destroyed my nostrils, but that powder is very potent”. Peter’s eyes were teary and his face red, but he seemed pleased within himself as he showed Adaku his flaring nostrils.

He tried most foods and gave honest, respectful reviews, even for meals he did not enjoy.

He would tell her, after every experience, ” I love your family! They are so full of life and vibrant!”

” I am going to paint a family portrait of all of us; I hope they agree.”

Everyone agreed with Peter’s idea, and each person requested a personal portrait after he showed them what he had done in the past. They warmed up to Peter even more than she had imagined, and soon, they planned a traditional marriage.

Adaku wanted a small wedding, but her mother fought her until she cowered into submission.

As her parents put it, Peter had suddenly become the best child in the world. He saw reasons for their requests and didn’t shoot their ideas down as Adaku did. She was their only child, and they would make a big statement with her wedding.

The portrait was ready before they left for Liverpool, and everyone was enthralled by how beautifully Peter had captured their individualistic features. Adaku was blown away, and she requested a piece to return to Liverpool. In the portrait, Adaku and Peter are surrounded by the whole family. This was what Adaku needed, a constant reminder that even though she was so far, she still had a place in the hearts of her family.

Peter stood out in the portrait because of his features, and they laughed about it. It was a unique portrait, and they would tell tales about it. Adaku also requested that her Fiancé make a portrait of herself and her family so they would have both in their own home.

Migrating was hard for Adaku, but it was her best decision. She had gotten her degree, a good job and an excellent partner who liked snuff.

Years ago, when she was on a flight to Liverpool, she felt alone and anxious, but this time, as Adaku left, she felt at peace, knowing that a second home awaited her.

Have you ever migrated before?

Please share your experience with us and give us tips on how to do better.