The Yard (guilt)
Anuri
Ugo seemed fazed by her confession, as evidenced by his expression. His stare was blank, and his lips were pursed. This was the look he always had when he wanted more explanation, the same look he always had when she explained the difference between making different types of cakes.
“It was my fault, ” Anuri repeated, tasting the weight of the words again on her lips. She had not said it in years because, for some reason, she felt that mother nature had forgiven her. But how could she even think so? How could she be so selfish to think she would have an inkling of peace after what she did? They felt like they belonged in her mind, her heart.
She had become wishful because of Ugo. She wanted to get married and have children like the ones from the yard who flooded her house most days. How stupid she had been to think her best friend would forgive her easily.
What made her special? Why would she ever think that she deserved to live a happy life when that of Sandra Emenike’s was cut short? But Anuri had grown weary of carrying her burden, her guilt. Maybe Ugo would understand why she was the way she was.
The day she met Sandra Akude, it felt like redemption had knocked on her door and delivered a package. Was this Sandra Emenike, giving her a second chance? She never failed to serve the teenager like a queen whenever she visited. The teenager was her one-way ticket to redemption; now, she was battling for her life.
Why hadn’t she come down sooner that day? Maybe if she had, she could have stopped Jude. She collapsed in a flood of tears once more, which drew Ugo’s hands to her cheeks once more. Oh! How tender he was! He deserved someone better than her, not cursed and scarred for life.
“Baby…Please tell me what it is” His eyes bore a plea as he reached down to grab her hands while they sat on the cushion.
Anuri’s eyes held worry as she feared the judgment he would pass on her. This time, she knew she deserved it, and if Ugo walked away, she could take it, knowing it was her penance. Anuri took a deep breath and began.
“She killed herself, my best friend” Anuri took in a deep breath
“It was all my fault, and I couldn’t help her. I was so selfish and stupid”
She watched Ugo’s furrowed brows relax and his eyes exhumed mere curiosity and concern. He never spoke but egged her on with his eyes. He was a good listener, but it was more than that this time. He was scared to speak so she wouldn’t recoil like a rattled snail to its shell.
“My Sandra was this bubbly individual. She was gorgeous and intelligent. She had the best jokes and laughs and would give her last penny in a heartbeat. We were roommates at the university and had admirers from school, but we never dated anyone until our 300-level.
Sandra met a boy after the Industrial training, and they hit it off quite fast. She was always talking to him and messaging him. He was the son of a renowned politician in her state, Enugu. He showed up and showed out for Sandra and got so many gifts on so many occasions—her birthday, Valentine’s Day, you name it—he was there. There were talks about marriage, and I was genuinely happy for her. But there was something sinister about him. Ebuka was his name, and I didn’t feel good around him. I was too scared to tell Sandra, so I didn’t get termed the jealous friend.
One day, Sandra invited me to a trip to Abuja. She said her boyfriend was sponsoring the trip, but it was the same week we had a test. She begged for me to come, but I turned the offer down. We fought because she mentioned I was selfish and didn’t care about her happiness. Her boyfriend had requested my coming as well but It didn’t happen.
Sandra left for Abuja angry and didn’t text me when she arrived. I was so worried that I kept calling, and when she finally answered, it was three days later. She sounded so off, like she wasn’t coherent. I knew something was off when Ebuka suddenly rang and told me she was sick and couldn’t reach the phone. I kept calling, but I didn’t get an answer.
I called Ebuka afterwards and threatened him in so many ways. I also informed her parents, who found out where she was and sent help to get her. Sandra returned after a week, and she looked so different. She was always moody, nervous and anxious. She started smoking in a short while, and no matter how hard I tried to get her to open up, she didn’t. A video began circulating a few weeks after Sandra’s being….” Anuri bit her lips as the tears flowed. The image was still vivid no matter how long it had taken.
“Please don’t make me say the words Ugo” Ugo acquiesced to the request, and she continued. They drugged her before they did it. I caught her crying so many times when she thought I was asleep. She was terrified of stepping out, scared about her family’s judgement. But it wasn’t fair! She was the victim in all this!
Ebuka’s parents sent him out of the country while Sandra battled with depression. She blamed me for what happened. Her parents opted to take her out of the Uni, which they did, but she was never the same. On her birthday, I received a letter that described everything that had happened to her and how I could have helped. She killed herself after that”
Ugo’s jaws clenched as he pictured the whole event and mentally pummeled Ebuka and his friend to the ground. “Do you know what the bastards said in the video whilst they did their despicable act? They said by visiting Ebuka she had given consent and could not object to it. They forced the drug down her throat and destroyed her life”
“That’s why you verbally attacked Thomas this morning” Ugo muttered.
“Sandra killed herself not long after that incident. Just like that, she was gone forever, and someone justified her death and now this little girl is also a victim” Anuri wept like a child, and Ugo held her, his heart breaking more with every sob.
“I could have gone with her, and I should have. Maybe she would still be alive. I have carried this guilt for so long, wishing there was a way to atone for my sins” She continued amidst sobs. “She blamed me for it the last time we spoke. I feel so angry and helpless like I don’t deserve any good thing”
“Anuri, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. What happened was not your fault at all. You saved your friend’s life by calling her parents. There was nothing else you could have done, baby. You stayed back for your test; no one should fault you. What if you had gone and something happened to the both of you? Who would have saved you?
Anuri I love you so much and I know you are a good person. Probably because I am a shitty one”
Her bouts of tear-infused chuckles gave him some glimmer of hope as he wiped her tears. Anuri had just opened up to him. He had longed for this, but the revelation came with a new hunger to fight for justice.
“You are not shitty Ugo, you are a wonderful man and I love you”
“I wear your bonnet to shower so you can join me whilst looking for it”
Anuri noted how quiet the yard had become as her eyes wandered to the window where the children always came to peep and ask for her pastries.
“Things will never be the same anymore. Not with Jude, nor Sandra and the little ones. Jude’s parents have paid the hospital bills, but everyone is solemn. Ugo, I am scared she will not make it, and even when she does, I am terrified of what this will do to her.
Just yesterday, they were kids dragging the last piece of muffin, and today, they may be sworn enemies for life. Jude is so young, too tender to have taken this path. I wish I had seen something, heard something that would have deterred him from becoming a monster.” Anuri was saddened by the fate she knew awaited Jude, but most importantly, she sympathized with his parents, who had lost a son and might blame themselves for bad parenting.
“We will have to move soon”, Ugo replied, and Anuri nodded. She knew they would always visit the neighbours, but she needed time to herself to heal and let go of her past. With Ugo, she had known the most accurate form of love and respect.
“Ugo, we should be here for Sandra when she wakes up” Ugo nodded in agreement as Anuri got up. “She may not be my Sandra, but I was brought into her life for a reason. We have to go to the hospital, my love”