Maintaining a healthy relationship with friends: How I do it.

I have always maintained that humans were created to be communal. Unlike creatures like the Tiger or Leopard, we were not designed to be loners who can comfortably live independently. For humans to thrive, we must maintain certain relationships, be they familial, societal, intimate, or platonic, like friendships. However, it is also important to note that while humans thrive in relationships, other factors often get in the way of most being healthy and lasting. These could include factors like distance, responsibilities, resentments, etc. Maintaining a healthy relationship with friends is difficult, especially if they live thousands of miles away from you and you are swamped with tasks like work or chores. We will look at tips I use to help maintain healthy relationships with my friends.

Who are your friends?

Before we delve into maintaining healthy relationships with friends, we must understand what friendship means and who our friends are. I have often noticed that in most cases, what people classify as friends are more of acquaintances rather than the former.

A friend, according to the Webster dictionary, is a person who has a liking and firm trust in another. A friend understands your person and loves you. A friend will share, sacrifice, fight, and die for you. A true friend understands what you need even when you do not and supports you when no other person will.

A friend tells you when you are wrong, no matter how difficult. On the other hand, friendship is termed as a state where one enjoys affection, esteem, trust, and intimacy, which is a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. An acquaintance, on the other hand, is a person that someone knows but is not close enough to be your friend.

What I consider before choosing a friend

Choosing a friend is neither difficult nor easy, primarily if that friendship is intended to blossom and last. There are things that I consider before jumping the gun, and they include;

• Respect: I believe friendships should be built on mutual respect because only a person who respects you will have regard for your opinions, choices, and boundaries, even if they are the opposite of yours. For example, I have a friend whose religion is different from mine. We naturally share the same views regarding most matters except when it comes to our faith; however, we have made it a point to respect each other’s decisions in that regard. Also, it is essential to understand that once a friend is married, respect should be accorded to the person’s spouse. It means a certain level of accessibility is what you will get, and if you were to disrupt an activity, you must apologize to the spouse. I do this when my friend entertains my calls at odd hours or at least make sure the spouse is aware before the calls or activity.

• My family: I like to have my real friends around my family, so a person who is my friend will be someone with whom my children feel safe. Someone who will not disrespect my spouse or be inappropriate around my family.

• Fun and Laughter: One of the reasons I love to spend time with my friend Onyeka is that she has ways of making me laugh without trying hard. We just have a way of fooling around and being happy together.

• Shared Interests and Values: I have noticed on a personal level that when I try to stray from my values to accommodate any friendship, that friendship dies a natural death because it doesn’t feel real. It is essential to have friends with whom your interests and values align.

• Empathy and Understanding: A friend should be someone who can feel your plight, understand how important things are to you, and support you. I always find it a red flag if a friend is in silent competition or does not value things that matter to me as I would do theirs.

• Trust: I once saw a post on social media where a friend posted things said in confidence by another friend because of a falling out. It made me deeply reflect on the kind of friends I have and the fact that they would push for conflict resolution instead of bringing things to the public eye. We also share a level of trust, and I know I can share things with them as they do me.

5 things that affect friendships negatively

Various factors affect friendship, but we will only talk about a few of them.

1. Unhealthy Competition: Healthy competition is good among friends as it can push one to work harder and attack things head-on. However, when a friendship involves a lot of unfavourable comparisons, it can lead to that relationship hitting the rocks.

2. Betrayal of Trust: Another factor that can ruin friendships is when trust is betrayed. This makes it hard to believe that friend or want to share anything with them

3. Jealousy and envy: Jealousy and envy can lead to resentments and, most often, actions that ruin friendships.

4. Lack of Communication: One of my most significant flaws that I am working on is communicating often with my friends. However, I find myself failing due to distance, time zones, and work. However, I decided to keep in touch as often as possible and always make time to celebrate wins and special occasions.

5. Constant criticism and lack of support: A friendship slowly becomes toxic when there is always criticism around what you do and never any commendation or support. I am very much a believer of the word constructive criticism however, when there is constant disparaging of one’s efforts without any form of appreciation of the things done right, it makes me ponder on what the goal of the criticism is. I also like to support friends by actively engaging in what they share, sell or even dream they intend to build on. Words of affirmation, prayers, ideas on how to excel, and even advice from friends have helped me come this far, and I would like to do the same. The mere fact that I am writing again is because of my friend James’ encouragement, active engagement in creating a blog for me and words of affirmation, as well as my husband’s support( getting me a portable laptop that doubles as an iPad as a gift that I can carry around and write as much as I want), also asking me often how my writing is going and if I need any help.

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with Friends: How I Do It

I’ve always believed for a long time that friendships are one of life’s greatest treasures. Good friends are God-given buddies that help you navigate through life. Over the years, I’ve learned that keeping those relationships healthy takes work, a lot of heart, and sometimes an inkling of vulnerability. This does not mean that I have everything figured out regarding friendships, but I know how easy it is to maintain friendships as a younger person than as an adult with many responsibilities. These are what help keep my friendships strong and genuine.

A few years back, I went through a rough patch, which entailed a busy period filled with work stress and personal challenges. I neglected calls, texts, and even simple meet-ups with friends. I was terribly overwhelmed with work, which seeped into my personal life on a large scale. One day, I received a message from an old friend asking if everything was okay. That simple, caring gesture made me realize I needed to change my approach. And so, I consciously started trying to reconnect, share my ups and downs, and truly listen when my friends reached out. It wasn’t always easy, but this period taught me the value of consistent communication and mutual support. Sometimes, sharing how you feel with friends becomes the antidote to stress.

Over time, I developed a few key practices that have become the cornerstone of how I maintain healthy friendships:

Stay in Touch Regularly:

Whether it’s a quick text, a phone call, or an occasional coffee meet-up, keeping communication consistent helps bridge the gap that busy schedules create.

Be Honest About Your Feelings:
I’ve learned that being open about what I’m going through, the good and the bad, helps my friends understand me better and builds trust on both sides. It also helps them understand better the reasons for some actions or inactions.

Offer Support and Ask for It in Return:
Friendships are a two-way street. I make it a point to be there when a friend is struggling, and I don’t hesitate to reach out when I need help or just someone to talk to. This also often swings into financial aid. I find myself more comfortable taking a loan from a friend than a bank. I also strive to go beyond measures to pay back, as I will do the same for others and expect payment.

Plan Quality Time Together:
Life can get hectic, so I try to set aside time for activities we enjoy. Whether it is a movie night, karaoke night, or house visits, shared experiences create lasting bonds.

Respect Boundaries:
I respect that everyone has different needs and limits. Understanding and honouring those boundaries has helped me avoid misunderstandings and keep our interactions positive.

Celebrate the Good Moments:
I also celebrate achievements, big or small, with my friends. Acknowledging these moments strengthens our connection, whether it’s a promotion at work, a personal milestone, or just making it through a tough week. Birthdays are so important to me, and I try to always call and post good wishes and prayers so that my friends know they are loved and that I remember their special days.

These simple steps have changed how I relate to the people I care about. It’s not about grand gestures or perfect timing. It is about consistently showing up and letting your friends know you’re there, come rain or shine, you always have them in mind, even when you do not reach out.

Maintaining a healthy relationship with friends isn’t always a smooth journey, but with a little effort and a lot of heart, it can become one of the most rewarding aspects of life. I hope that by sharing my experience, you might find a few ideas that resonate with you as you nurture the friendships that mean so much in your life.