Sex and Pregnancy, Myths and Truths
Pregnancy and Sex!
Whew! I know what you’re thinking. Why is there so much dust being raised around this? Being pregnant doesn’t mean one automatically becomes celibate. Every woman is unique, and our bodies are impacted by various factors, such as genetics and hormones, which often show in pregnancy. Even though there are prevalent factors (symptoms) that affect pregnancy, when you speak to other pregnant women or your GP, you tend to discover distinct features in each one, and this does not mean pregnant women should be denied this pleasurable form of intimacy because they are with children. However, we are not going to dwell on pregnancy so much but on what the implication often means for two sexually active individuals.
What is Sex?
I smiled a little after I had typed this question. It reminded me of a while back in secondary school when a teacher asked me to describe reproduction, and I had answered, “Reproduction is when sex is done and children are made”. This was probably one of the silliest definitions of reproduction one could come up with, but my teacher laughed so hard as embarrassment washed over my features. Thankfully, he was not dismissive, and I remember him telling me, “That was a horrible answer but not far from the truth”. Who would blame me? I had started reading the book Every Woman and exploring the idea of puberty and different aspects of womanhood. Being a curious teenager, Biology classes weren’t like other classes for me; they became avenues to learn more about my body, which often paid off in most cases.
I could also remember how the boys in my class often drifted towards subjects that appealed to their masculinity, like technology, physics, etc. Except for the few who wanted to pursue a medical career, it was a girly subject with too much information to consume.
The only biology class that attracted students from other courses was “Reproduction and reproductory organs,” we all knew why. I know we have digressed from the main question, which is Sex, but I feel it is necessary to understand the biases that often affect how and why we consume specific knowledge.
Sex has different meanings, and even though the most common and relatable one would be that which is used to describe various genders (Male and Female), the one we would be focusing on implies sexual activity. Sex in this case is an activity which usually involves a male and female where there is sexual activity that involves inserting and thrusting the penis inside of the female vagina. It is often referred to as coitus or copulation. While this may not be the topic at hand, please do remember that sex must be done at all times with consent. Sex is meant to be enjoyed by two consenting persons who are mature enough to understand the implications of the act. Yes, while teenagers are often involved in sexual activity it is paramount to understand that when sex is forceful without consent it is known as rape. We must also fully understand that sex requires adults to consent, and even though minors engage in sexual activities with each other, it is an offence punishable by law to be involved in any sexual activity with a minor.
Sex is meant to be enjoyed as it often involves employing different body parts to elicit pleasure in one’s partner. It is an entirely natural or biological act and should not be treated as a chore or a taboo.
Pregnancy
One funny thing is that a fourteen-year-old version of myself would have probably defined pregnancy as the consequence of having sex. As a girl who was raised in a typical Nigerian home, while we were given sexual education at puberty, it was often viewed from the lens of preventing a consequence, which is pregnancy. Pregnancy is simply the period where a fetus develops and grows inside the uterus or womb of a woman, which usually spans over 9 months. Pregnancy is a serious affair and should never be seen as otherwise, and despite the risks and changes a woman experiences during this time, it can be one of the most beautiful periods of a woman’s life.
Every woman planning to get pregnant must consider having a good, kind, patient, teachable, and responsible partner looking to walk the walk with you. This does not mean that pregnancy won’t be possible when this is not the case, but it does help to have a companion with whom to share those moments.
Yes, the onus is on the women to learn more about pregnancy, visit the hospitals for appointments and share details or concerns during the pregnancy with the doctor. However, this does not mean their partners should be obtuse and indifferent about such delicate times. Being pregnant is not just a woman’s thing because two people did the act that led to it. And if pregnancy must be viewed as a consequence (humor me), then that consequence must be borne by the two individuals involved.
Sex and Pregnancy: Myths and Truths
“When my wife gets pregnant, I won’t touch her again. In fact, I will find myself a mistress that I will be intimate with until my wife delivers”
The moment I heard those words, my heart sank, and I immediately recoiled at how inconsiderate and cruel a man would be to openly suggest cheating on a pregnant woman despite being partly the reason the wife would be in a family way. It didn’t sit right with me when I heard those words, and I wasn’t big on getting involved in conversations with strangers, so I just tried to ignore them as they continued the conversation on the bus.
Myth 1: When you sleep with a pregnant woman, you can kill the baby
As the conversation went on, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop because I wanted to figure out what logic the individual had for wanting to attack his marital vows and disrespect his pregnant wife. I had already conjured different scenarios about educating this stranger before he said something that made me pause and think.
“What if I lie on top of her and the baby dies? Or I thrust too hard and disfigure my baby?” No matter how triggering his first words were, they had come from a place of ignorance. He was trying to protect his wife and child by cheating, according to his logic. Yes, it is not an excuse for any man to be aware of certain things about the female body, but society does not always meet expectations.
Stay in Biology class, boys!
The female reproductory organ was one of the subjects we learnt in secondary school and one distinct way our teacher explained the difference between the Vagina and the Uterus was with a house. The vagina was called the gateway and the womb or uterus was termed the house. During sex, the gateway is involved and not the womb. But how can this be impossible If the vagina is just the gateway? There is also a part called the cervix, called the gatekeeper. The cervix is made of muscles that contract and relax but most importantly they prevent the penis from entering the womb because it is too small for the penis to penetrate.
I had to explain to the fellows about these body parts and what they represented as I made a point that having sex will not disfigure a baby. I had given birth as well and though I knew what the answer was going to be, my husband made sure to get a clear answer from the Doctor that we could be sexually intimate during pregnancy.
However, during the first few weeks of pregnancy, we were told not to be sexually active as there were more risks of stress causing a miscarriage. The first few weeks involve implantation of the fetus in the uterus and come with various symptoms, which will most likely deter every woman from having sex.
The morning sickness will destroy every form of horniness should the woman experience it.
Myth 2:When the fetus develops they can reach out and grab the penis.
My mouth was hung open as the words hit my eardrums. This was one of the arguments one of the gents had raised. It made me think of how our minds conjure the most ridiculous things to feed the mouth to say.
The fetus develops and moves during pregnancy and will never have any contact with the outside world until it is ready or due to some factors that may prompt the baby to be taken out prematurely. But a baby in the womb can never grab a penis during sex. Even though this was not one of the questions I had raised with my doctor, it was just too ridiculous to believe someone thought like that.
Myth 3: If you lie on top of a pregnant woman, the baby will die
Now there are two phases to this. During the first few weeks of pregnancy, there will be barely any bump to show that a woman is pregnant. Sex positions which involve the man being on top would not be harmful. The smart thing to do is to be aware and conscious of your pregnant partner and make sure they are comfortable and always ready to communicate changes during sex. If they want to continue, if they do not wish to continue or are in any discomfort. When the bumps become more pronounced, it is advisable to explore other sex positions apart from the missionary style or in some cases, couples start exploring other positions starting from the first weeks of pregnancy.
Myth 4: My wife will die if we have sex when she is pregnant
It took a lot of effort not to burst into a loud laugh when I heard this. Sex during pregnancy does not kill a woman. However, a couple must visit their doctors and make any concerns known to get professional advice. In some cases, which usually involve underlying health conditions or high-risk pregnancies, the couples are generally advised to abstain from sex. But these are rare and delicate cases.
As I got off the bus, I did not know if the gents were convinced by my words, but I did advise them to speak to a gynaecologist or doctor for more information.
Various articles on the NHS website will help with specific questions you may have about sex and pregnancy. SEE MORE