“We give consent to have sex with men when we agree to visit them”

We give consent to have sex with men when we agree to Visit them. “He said it so lightly, carelessly, and non-challantly, like it was a norm. Consent! is not agreeing to come over! Couldn’t he read the room? Standing there was that little girl Chinenye, who was still traumatized by what happened to her elder sister!” Ugo was taken aback by the words he had heard. It was the era where consent was well defined; who would say such brazenly?

Ugo’s eyes trailed her body as she paced from side to side in their living room. Her anger came with a string of verbose English words. “Who gave that incel the impetus! He thinks everything is about lifting rods and strutting like a constipated mountain goat with a fish brain! That stupid bull with a pea-sized brain! The nincompoop! That moron should be in Jail! He is certainly an accomplice to Jude, and this one is certain. The boy is always hanging around him.”

Ugo swallowed hard, unsure whether to interject or let her vent. Añurika was laying accusations against his neighbour, and she knew better than to falsely accuse people. Suddenly, her body stiffened, and she let out a heart-wrenching scream that left her body trembling. Ugo rushed to her side and held her in an embrace as she sobbed so loudly. Each sob sliced through his heart like a butcher’s blade to meat; this was more than Añuri’s sympathy. At that moment, he knew the truth was clear as day.Añuri blamed herself for what had happened to Sandra.

The ant and the Bull

Ugo had been woken up by the sound of commotion in the yard. It was a strange phenomenon as the tenants were never loud or troublesome. They all lived like a small, peaceful community with all the adults respecting boundaries. The children, on the other hand, treated the word boundary like a disease. They often flooded his apartment on weekends, and his girlfriend entertained them like they were hers. He usually enjoyed their presence as they always came with endless questions about his job, and he loved to talk about what he did. For some reason he was always flushed like someone talking about his lover. However, when those little charlatans were nearby, he couldn’t play hanky panky with Añuri as much as he wanted to. He also saw a maternal side to her and longed to start his own family with her. Ugo was sure his mother would broadcast news to her old, judgmental friends.

Añurika, treated the children like highly esteemed guests, serving them some of her finest pastries.

Ugo usually spent Fridays with his mum after work. It was a ritual he began after losing his father, and Añuri knew to either spend the night at his or hers. He had arrived at his apartment by 6 am that morning when most of the neighbours were asleep. He was not expecting Añuri to be in the apartment as she had told him she would spend the night with her parents. It was strange because his apartment was closer to her shop. She assured him several times that she was all right to assuage his worry and promised to share everything when she came over the following day.

Añuri had told him something had happened in the yard that she did not want to share over the phone. She sounded too distraught and had requested to sleep. It was all too strange to Ugo; Añuri never slept early; it was one of her many rare qualities that he loved. They always talked till midnight before he would practically force her to sleep. The magical thing was that she was always the first to wake the next day, with the energy of an elephant ready to bulldoze the world.

Ugo buried his face in his pillow, trying to drown the noise that had disrupted his sleep. While his girlfriend was a morning person, he was a grumpy bull in the mornings.

“I double dare you to touch me, you asshole!” It was Añuri’s voice reverberating in the compound. “Tell this bitch to stay in her lane! I don’t want to kill someone this morning!” came Thomas’ voice, almost immediately drawing Ugo to his feet.

“Had his girlfriend gone mad? In what universe did she deem it reasonable for a 5’5 inch, 58 kg weighing petite woman like herself to confront and dare a 6-foot-tall virile man who was almost twice her weight and a thousand times stronger than she was to touch her? Ugo was out of his apartment in a matter of seconds, and at the scene where he saw Uchechi Akude trying to drag his woman away from the scene. Whatever gave petite women the confidence they often displayed?

Thomas called Añuri names as she hurled insults back at him. The brothers from the other apartment tried leading Thomas away from Añuri, who didn’t hold back with her words. Thomas was charging back at the scene when he appeared, and he saw the rage in his eyes, which was met with Ugo’s defiance. “Get your girl bro! I do not let these hoes talk to me anyhow” Ugo barely acknowledged his presence as he walked to Añuri. There was no need to talk to Thomas as he had already made a fool of himself, but he was pretty worried that he had charged back at the scene and only stopped when he caught wind of Ugo.

Añuri paused when she saw her man; she could tell he was disappointed by the scowl on his face. Ugo was always about peaceful conflict resolution, but this was not a random issue. He had yet to uncover this incident that shook the yard, and Thomas only made light of it.

The yard

“The yard”, as the netizens often called it, was primarily a quiet place in a calm neighbourhood. It was a developing estate situated in what would be a new residential area. The greenery of the surroundings was at its nascent stages, with acacia seedlings planted in the road’s median leading to the estate. Ugo’s compound contained five Bungalows, each comprising a two-bedroom apartment, a kitchen, and a store. The houses were adjacent to each other and were well-occupied by various tenants.

Ugo, the tall, dark, and handsome fellow, lived in the first bungalow, an abode he often shared with his girlfriend Añurika, a light-skinned beauty he had met at a hair salon. The second was that of Thomas, an aspiring content creator and bodybuilder. The third apartment housed the Amadi brothers, traders in the nearby market. The fourth and fifth apartments were homes to two families: the Ezes and Akudes.

Ugo was a cyber security analyst who doubled as a web developer. He was also a crypto enthusiast and often traded cryptocurrencies for fun. As he harped on, his latest obsession with Web 3 was the new gold mine, which he described to Añuri, as he fondly called her. He was a hard worker, calm, and self-sufficient neighbour. He drove an expensive car with the most recent gadgets in his house. He knew there were whispers by neighbours and quite long pointy fingers associating him with fraud, which was a source of amusement rather than worry for him.

Something was amiss, and he felt it had begun the day before.

“What happened?” Ugo asked in a stern voice. He hated that such a ruckus had been made and, most importantly, his woman had been involved.

Uchechi Akude grabbed her phone and opened an image, which she handed to Ugo. A myriad of emotions played on Ugo’s face, and he was visibly repulsed. His hands trembled as he handed the phone over to Uchechi, whose eyes bore welled-up tears.

“Who did this to Sandra?” He managed to utter, still shaken by the gory image that had registered in his brain. Poor little Sandra was in her pool of blood with a mortar lying by her side.

“Is she….Is she dead?” He asked, his lips quivering from the shock. Sandra was only 14 years old, and the last time they spoke, he had promised to share more knowledge about his job. Sandra was too bright, too young for the fate he feared.

What do you know about Consent?

• Have you heard the word consent before?
• What are the myths that you have listened to?
• Have you tried educating people about consent?
• What experiences have you had with the misconception surrounding consent?

Please share your answers with us; we would love to hear from you.